Some may be wondering why the change of blog titles...going from Second Chance Journey to Learning to Live...kind of mean the same thing right? Well, I don't know. While it's true that I feel like I'm giving myself a second chance to do things right in my life, I also feel that I'm truly learning how to really live the life that I was MEANT to live. It's all about change. With change, comes adaptation of that change. For some people, that change is learning to live with cancer or learning to live with fighting cancer. For others it could be learning to live with being parents for the first time, or getting a new job, or moving to a new town. No matter what it is, it's your life. Most of the time we have no control over the things that shape our lives but what we do have control over is how we deal with those things and learn to live with them. Let me explain...
A good friend of mine and her husband were surprised to learn that they were expecting twins. They made all of the necessary preparations: going to doctor appointments, decorating and buying everything babies require, and even going on bed rest when the doctor ordered her to. They did everything right. They gave birth early to these twin babies because of health complications the mom was experiencing. They're little boy was small but healthy. Their little girl is unfortunately still fighting to be in this world. Their lives now consist of and may very well continue to be lived in and out of hospitals with their baby girl going in and out of surgeries for different reasons to help her live. It's their life now.
My family and I participate in the Relay for Life event every year in our town. One of the things they do during the night is have a ceremony where each team captain gets up and reads off the names of people that have either died from cancer or who have or have had cancer. So a 'in memory of, in honor of' ceremony. This year it was my responsibility to read those names off. I get towards the bottom of the list and I begin to read, "Ralph Helmer, Mildred Helmer, Ron Helmer, Jim Helmer, Mary Helmer, and Cory Helmer." There was something about seeing that on paper and reading those names one after the other that really stopped me dead in my tracks. My point here isn't to be sad or to make people sad by reading this. My point is that EVERYONE gets handed a certain deck of cards in their life. Like the six people in my family, it was cancer. Fortunately, I believe I have six...now five very strong individuals who, yes, learned to live with the diagnosis but very bravely chose not to let it define them. Yes, they live with the scars and treatments and annual check-ups. But they also are living and loving and they appreciate the life that they have. My Grandad, Ralph, lived a very long time and lived a great life and got to see great things. He also knew when it was time to stop fighting. He left us I think knowing that we all had each other and that we were going to be okay. In his own way, even after death, he's made sure we were okay.
God has never given me anything that I couldn't handle. After all of the crap that I have been through and have even put myself through, I'm a better person because of it. Something just clicked four weeks ago that change was needed in my life. I know four weeks doesn't sound like a very long time, but I can honestly say that I'm seeing things clearer than I have ever before. Being healthy physically and mentally was a goal I set for myself four weeks ago and to see that goal becoming a reality...it's like breathing fresh air for the first time. I've never been open about my faith. In fact, there have been times when I've denied it. But I've opened myself up to it again. I needed something unwavering to believe in. I'm "learning to live".
So in a round about way of explaining my need to change this blog title...there it is. Will I be perfect in this change, probably not. Will I question the journey and have doubts, undoubtedly yes. But that's okay.
I welcome the challenge....
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